And CUT! I mean, ACTION!
by Sekowari
Summary: Saiyuki, the Tougenkyou hit series. What really goes on behind its everyday scenes, anyway? Watch out, or you might be violated by Kamisama! You have been warned.
1. A Normal Day

**Sekowari: **I changed this fanfic. I decided not to make Kazuya Minekura retire after all. hehehe...just behind the scenes. Whoever reads this is clearly not thinking straight in their head. Don't worry -- I don't think properly either. My following fanfic proves me correct.

**_Chapter 1 – Normal Day...In Saiyuki Terms, that is_**

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_(In Tougenkyou, Hontou Castle)_

"Kougaiji dear, get me a marijuana would you? And retrieve the sutra for your dear mother while you're at it. MWAHAHAHA!" Drawled Gyoukumen Koushu.

Kougaiji sighed. "You can stop that pathetic whining voice, Ms. Koushu, we're off the set right now. No one's filming us." Gyoukumen sighed with relief. "Oh good. I honestly don't take pleasure in the fact that I have to be an obnoxious, overbearing devil all the time. If only fans could see the real me…"

Beside her, the real Gyumao popped out of his costume and walked out. "Speak for yourself. I have to sit in that dumb prop for hours on end. They make the Gyumao in the show such a blasphemy!" The actual Gyumao was a young man only in his 30s. He was quite good-looking too, mind you. It's too bad he has to conceal his looks all the time.

Gyoukumen laughed. "Miss Minekura really should have considered how we would feel when she first created the anime series." Doku, Lirin, and Yaone walked into the room. "Not to mention that the director is so rude! He practically went nuts when I said last month that I got my…period…" retorted Yaone. Gyoukumen gave her a sympathetic look. "I know how you feel, dear…"

Gyumao cleared his throat loudly. "Ahem, as I was saying, none of the fans out there know that Lady Gyoukumen and I are truly sophisticated, kind people. They all see us as the evil, powerful enemies. I'm just some huge creature attached to wires! Not to mention that the prop is stuffy. I have to crouch there and not move, like in those mobile suits in…what's it called again…ah yes, Gundam Seed."

Lirin's eyes goggled. "You watch GS, Gyumao-sama?"

"Occasionally. It's my son who's obsessed with the darn show. It's okay I guess, but I spend all my money buying figurines for him. He never pays attention to me when I go filming on the set!"

Gyoukumen put her hand on his shoulder. "Ah well, you know children. At least we get paid big bucks to be the villains." She chuckled.

Lirin glared at the ceiling. "The stupid director said I should be paid less cause I'm a kid! Who's he to say that sort of friggin stuff anyways?" Gyoukumen frowned at Lirin. "Lirin-chan, no foul language!"

"That's not foul language! Yesterday, Kougaiji onii-chan swore at the director becau-.."

The youkai prince clamped his hand over Lirin's mouth. "_What's wrong with you? I told you to be quiet!" _He hissed.

Doku leaned towards Yaone. "Man, Kougaiji's POed about the director, huh?"

Yaone whispered back. "What's PO?"

Gyumao turned to them. "You should try to improve your whispering skills, Yaone. By the way, PO just means 'pissed off'."

"Gyumao, _no foul language! _I can't believe that you're doing this as well!"

"I swear, Lady Gyoukumen, you're just like my mother…"

Suddenly, Kougaiji blurted out, "**Lirin has her period!"** The little girl stared at her brother. "_Onii-chan, what's wrong with you? I told you to be quiet!" _Lirin copied what her brother said earlier. The prince merely smirked. "That's getting back for what you said about me swearing. Pretty good, huh guys?" He turned to the other 4 people, and was greatly ignored.

Doku snorted. "Lirin's puberty is only natural, Kougaiji. But I didn't expect you to be so childish." Yaone suppressed her laughter.

"I-I…because…I mean…you…she…" Kougaiji stuttered frantically, and his face flushed strawberry red. This sent Yaone exploding with laughter, along with tears streaming down her face. Meanwhile, Gyoukumen and Gyumao were still discussing why fans hated the two of them. Amongst the talking and bickering, a very enraged youkai came charging into the room.

"**ALL OF THE SAIYUKI CAST IS TO MEET OUTSIDE HONTOU CASTLE! GET YOUR BUTTS MOVING NOW! TOO SLOW! TOO SLOW! HURRY UP, OR I'M SENDING IN SQUADRON 'A' TO CLEAR THIS ZONE!"** With that, the youkai stormed out again.

Gyoukumen Koushu was shocked. "Why are people so rude these days?"

"It's only natural for that guy. The other youkai were saying that he was a troop leader in the military." Stated Doku.

"Well, I suggest we go before he starts yelling again. My ears are very sensitive, you know." Gyoukumen straightened up, and stalked out. The others followed after her. Gyumao muttered, "I need a coffee break, now. Could someone get me a cappuccino?"

Lirin piped up, "Drink your own saliva, Gyumao-sama! I do that when I'm really hungry, because Kougaiji-oniichan doesn't give me enough meatbuns!" -sweatdrop-

* * *

Gyoukumen swung the great doors open, and stepped out into the warm sunshine. Apparently, the rest of the Saiyuki cast was there already. The Ikkou was chatting away to Homura's group, and Dr. Ni was having a tug-o-war with the vicious youkai –

"**GIMME MY BUNNY BACK! YOU FOUL LOWLIFE! THE BUNNY'S GONNA GET GERMS, YA NO!"**

"**GIVE THE DOLL TO ME NOW! EXACTLY HOW OLD ARE YOU, LITTLE MAN? HAND OVER THE STINKIN DOLL, SOLDIER, OR ELSE!"** Kougaiji was hating that particular youkai more and more as each second ticked by.

"I love the fact that he gets killed off in the show. We could use a little less brutality in this world." Everyone else turned and nodded their heads in agreement. Seeing Gyoukumen, Homura walked up and kissed her hand gently. "It's a wonderful pleasure to see you again, Miss Koushu."

The said woman blushed. "We've only just met each other yesterday. You're quite the godly charmer, aren't you?" Off to the side, Rinrei called out, "You're such a PLAYER, Homura! Why do I even hang out with you?"

Next to her, Gojyo said, "I'm always free. You know that, pretty lady." He winked. Rinrei turned away to drool at the sight of Sanzo. _'Two perverts in this world are bad enough. One priest, however, is perfect. Good thing Homura can't actually read minds, or I'd be dead right now...'_

Ah yes, it was a typical morning for the Saiyuki cast, and the day was just beginning…

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**Sekowari: **I warned you -- very pointless work in here. Well, R/R if you like. It's the only sane thing you can do here. o.O


	2. Saiyuki Round Up Part 1

**Sekowari: **Chapter 2! Enjoy! R/R!

_**Chapter 2 -- **__**Saiyuki Round-Up Part 1**_

Ah yes, I left you off with a fine morning in Tougenkyou, yes? You're in for yet another normal, if not _extreme_, day of Saiyuki behind the scenes! So…snap your eyes open, stay alert, and stay awake!

* * *

Just as Gyoukumen walked out of the castle, the director bounded up to everyone with a huge grin on his face. The cast shuddered with horror. A smiling director was never a good thing in their point of view. He greeted them all and proceeded by saying, "I've decided that today, we're going to spend some time with the entire Saiyuki cast! How does that sound? Don't worry, you guys can relax for today – no filming!" 

The cast gaped. Each had their own opinion on this. Gyoukumen replied, "Goodness! More parties? The character I act out has outrageous parties all the time! Anyways, isn't the entire cast here already?" The director 'tsked' at Gyoukumen. "Dear lady, your small brain has probably forgotten the rest of the cast! By that, I mean people like Kanzeon, Koumyou, Kamisama, etc." The youkai lady practically fainted at the thought of having so many people in one place. Sanzo literally cringed at the mention of Kamisama. Last time, after filming with that freak, the guy had thrown himself all over Sanzo. Like a homosexual, as we all know.

'_Good God…no…'_

Homura was beside himself with worry. _'No filming? What about my money? How am I supposed to spoil Rinrei if I'm poor?' _-sweatdrop-

Gojyo looked disgusted. _'Crap, this means I have to see my big brother – Go Dougan…'_

The rest of the people all had one thought in their mind – _'What the **hell** is this?'_

It's sad that the director couldn't read their minds. He continued by saying, "Of course, you know that these people aren't around often. So, I've decided to assign certain people to get them! I'm sure you all know where they live, yes?" The cast nodded their heads dumbly. Lirin gave an outburst, "Why do we need to get _those_ people? This is a waste of time!" Again, the cast nodded their heads dumbly.

The director ignored Lirin and cleared his throat. "I've already made a list of who gets who. Listen up!" Doku whispered to Zenon, "I bet this idiot put a lot of thought into making that list!" The god nodded in agreement.

"…So, first of all, since Sanzo plays his own god self – Konzen – he will only have to get Kamisama." Sanzo groaned and turned away in disgust. All around him, people whispered words of sympathy. _'I know that shitty director did this on purpose.'_

"Next, Goku will get Nataku. Gojyo will have his brother, Dougan." The redhead smacked his forehead. _'Awesome…'_

"..Kougaiji and Dr. Nii will meet up with Rasetsunyo. Lirin will go get Koumyou. Yaone is assigned to Kanan. Doku and Hakkai will get Hazel. (The two stared in disbelief) Gyumao and Gyoukumen will get Gato. Last but not least, Homura, Rinrei, Zenon, and Shien will get Kanzeon and Jiroushin. Is this okay with everyone?"

'_NO! Oh my god…Kamisama?'_

'_Dougan…hn…'_

'_Kanzeon…not that annoying woman again…'_

The rest were okay with who they were paired with…I think…Sadly, I can't read minds either.

"Alright, off you go! Hurry! I don't have all day! Shoo!" The director shooed them away, or tried to. No one moved. Sighing, the director turned to the military youkai beside him. At this, the cast really stiffened.

"**YOU HEARD HIM! GET YOUR BUTTS MOVING NOW! TOO SLOW! TOO SLOW! HURRY UP, OR I'M SENDING IN SQUADRON 'A' TO CLEAR THIS ZONE!"** Kougaiji's eyebrow twitched violently. _'Does he ever say anything **different**?'_

Still, after hearing the vicious youkai, everyone raced away in pursuit of their assigned person.

* * *

Lirin's destination was the closest. She arrived at Koumyou's temple and walked in cautiously. There was no need to be afraid, really, the priest was a nice person. After all, he had given Lirin meat buns before. 

"Well, what a pleasant surprise Lirin-san!" A voice rang out behind the youkai female, making her jump. Turning around, she said, "Hi, Koumyou-sama! I've come here because the Saiyuki director wants everyone to meet up at the filming grounds."

The priest sighed. "It must be the same director. I bet he's doing something stupid again, right?"

Lirin nodded her head vigorously. "Uh huh!" The great thing about Koumyou-sama was that he always understood other people's feelings.

"Either way, we better go now. At least I have something to do now. It's utterly boring in this temple! We musn't keep the others waiting!" He smiled and handed Lirin a meat bun, who gladly wolfed it down.

* * *

The temple close to Koumyou's was none other than Kamisama's. Sanzo took a breath and walked up the long stairway to the castle above. He took out his gun to make himself feel better. No sooner had he walked one step upwards, a man came running up to him and glomped on to him from behind. '_Oh, how I hate him…'_

"Sanzo-chan! It's been **ages** since you came to visit me! I was so worried that you forgot about me!" Quietly, Sanzo whispered to himself, "I _did_ try to forget you…"

"Anyways, since you came, we get to have some fun together! Sound good?" Kamisama winked at the horrified priest. Sanzo gulped and blurted out a string of words. "**No! The director needs the cast to meet at filming grounds! I was assigned to get you! Hurry UP!" **Without waiting for a response, Sanzo spun around and walked away as fast as he could.

Much to his dismay, Kamisama caught up to him quickly and grabbed his hand. "Great! This is going to be so fun! You're awesome, Sanzo-chan!" At the sound of that disgusting nickname, Sanzo only walked even faster. He tried to get away, but Kamisama kept holding onto his hand. _'Since when did hell exist on Earth? **I'm** supposed to be the hell on Earth!'

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Meanwhile, Gojyo had taken one of Kougaiji's dragons and flown to Dougan's castle. He banged the large doors open. No one was in sight. "Oi! Get over here now! I have to talk to you!" There was nothing but an eerie silence. That silence turned to a deafening roar from the ceiling above. The castle was collapsing! Gojyo stared in shock. _'What in the world?' _He bolted towards the exit as fast as he could. The redhead made it just in time. The entire castle exploded and particles of the building flew everywhere. Gojyo couldn't see a thing in all the smoke and noise. He covered his face for protection.

Eventually, after what seemed like ages, everything calmed down again. Out of the ruins walked Go Dougan, clapping his hands with a smirk on his face. "Wonderful, little brother! I really thought you wouldn't make it out of that trap back there! I should make them harder next time!"

"What the hell is wrong with you? What, are you trying to KILL me?"

"Of course, little brother! I would _love_ to kill you! After all, Houran loved you more than me when we were filming the Saiyuki movie!"

"Hn. I told you – no girl can resist my charms." Dougan merely glared. "Anyways, what brings you to my…castle?" He turned around and stared at the ruined palace.

"I would never come. You know that. The director of the show wants everyone to meet up together. Do you know how much time you wasted with that idiotic trick back there? I can't believe I have you as a brother!"

"Believe it, little bro. I'm going to be in your life until death! So anyways, we better go. Don't just stand there like a fool, Gojyo, or I'm leaving without you!" Dougan walked off and waved his hand at Gojyo. The redhead shook in rage. _'I **hate** him…'

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_

To conclude this chapter of dreary events, I'll end with something a little better.

Well, Goku got to Nataku with no problem. The little guy was meditating under a waterfall, as usual. They were very happy to see each other again. It's obvious that they became good friends after filming Saiyuki Gaiden. Though, their bond isn't as strong as Kamisama and Sanzo's, of course. Teehee…

* * *

Anyways, here comes the better part. Yaone had went to a nearby town, where Kanan resided. A huge crowd of Saiyuki fans were following her around, asking for her signature. A little kid ran up and tugged at her long purple hair in adoration. She yelped in surprise, and quickly dashed off. 

Kanan lived at the edge of town, so Yaone found her easily. Entering the house, she was greeted by a warm embrace from Kanan. You'd think that they were friends, but _no._ Kanan smiled warmly and said, "Hello Yaone! Pleased to see you here! So how's everything? How's Hakkai?" Yaone frowned at the fact that Kanan was so interested with Hakkai. "Hrmph…he's fine. By that, I mean he doesn't need _you_ around!"

Kanan blinked. "What? I could say the same for you! Let me ask you something, Yaone, _why don't you ever like me as someone who you can share Hakkai with?"_

Yaone glared. "I was just thinking the same thing – why don't _you _like _me?_ Furthermore, I'm not sharing Hakkai with **anyone!** Especially not you!" That did it. The two females grabbed each other and started a catfight. They tugged at each other's hair, screamed, kicked, and rolled onto the ground, fighting and struggling like crazy.

"**I hate you! I deserve Hakkai, you BITCH!"**

"**Shut up! You're the one who killed yourself!"**

"**That's called good acting!"**

After more catfighting, tugging, screaming, kicking, rolling around, and struggling, the two finally straightened up and ceased their bickering. Their hair was a complete mess, and so were their clothes. There were bruises and scratches everywhere on their arms and face. Almost forgetting her purpose here in the first place, Yaone said bitterly, "The Saiyuki director has asked all people to meet up. Don't worry – _you get to see Hakkai."_

At this, Kanan's face brightened and she skipped off in glee. "Hurry then! I can't wait for this!" Yaone stood there, stunned. Finally, she followed Kanan slowly. _'I loathe you, and I loathe that director. He did this to me…'

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There you go! I told you the last event would be a little better! AHAHAHA! I'll finish up with the others next time! So, continue to snap your eyes open, stay alert, and stay awake! Till next time!

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**Sekowari: **This is only part 1, so R/R, and I'll write more! xD 


	3. Saiyuki Round Up Part 2

**Sekowari: **Part 2's up! Enjoy and R/R!

_**Chapter 3 -- ****Saiyuki Round-Up Part 2**_

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_**Looking around to see where they were, Doku and Hakkai found that they had not progressed at all ever since they entered the deep forest. Not to mention that the director was not bright enough to realize that no one, in their right mind, could possibly find the exact location of Hazel's 'hideout'. Apparently, the blue-eyed angel was once again shutting himself out from the world, so that others would not snatch away his precious eyes. Yes, everyone found him insane. 

"Are you sure this is the right place? I swear we'll never find him." Doku plopped onto the forest floor in frustration.

"He has to be here somewhere. Where else can we look?" For once, Hakkai was not smiling. But of course, as we all know, smiling 24/7 was only part of getting money on the set.

"Yeah, why don't we just look for those shining blue eyes? I mean, they're going to be _so_ noticeable in these _couple thousands of acres of overgrown land!_" Doku fumed and punched the air.

After awhile of more walking, the two decided to give up on their chase.

"It's not like that guy's really important anyways. No one's going to notice him if we don't find him." Doku shrugged and Hakkai agreed with him.

* * *

On the other hand, Kougaiji and Dr. Nii had luck on their side. They had hired a carriage (and I mean the ones with proud, dainty horses that have jingling bells on them), and rode to the Grande City of Tougenkyou. Rasetsunyo was a well-known mistress there. 

Coincidentally, Kanzeon Bosatsu was a good friend of hers. It just so happened that Kougaiji and Dr. Nii arrived at the palace just in time to see the two women begin a delightful game of croquet. Needless to say, Jiroushin was there as well, being very obedient.

"What a pleasant surprise! I never expected to see you two gentleman on this fine day!" Rasetsunyo walked over, shook hands with Dr. Nii, and embraced her 'son'. Kanzeon sat down and stared dully at the blue sky. "I suppose this has something to do with the filming crew? Don't tell me that the substitution for me has fallen ill again! I never go to that hideous place to film!"

"On the contrary, ma'am, the director is hosting a 'leisure day' for all members of the cast. There will be no filming." At this, Kanzeon smiled and said, "An excellent idea. I've always loved that director. He's the only sensible person out of the whole cast." (Dr. Nii sighed loudly.)

Rasetsunyo pondered over this. "But if you were sent to get me, who was sent to get Kanzeon? Surely you didn't come for the both of us?"

Kougaiji shrugged. "I don't know. I think Homura and his group were coming to get Kanzeon."

"Not that bothersome young man! He's a disgrace to us all!" Kanzeon retorted. As if on cue, the Homura-tachi and Rinrei arrived at that precise moment. The war god and the Goddess of Mercy shot each other death glares. Rinrei and the others were unaware, and stared in awe at the beautiful castle.

"This is what I call luxury! Homura, you _have_ to get me one of these! Pay attention!" Rinrei slapped Homura on the back.

"Uh…yeah, sure. Anything for you."

Rasetsunyo clapped her hands, calling for attention. "No more dilly-dallying! Let's get going already!"

"But what about our game of croquet?"

"I always win anyways, you know that!"

"How dare you say such a thing!" Secretly, however, Kanzeon knew herself that she was no good at playing the game.

As the group of 9 trudged outside to hail taxis, they happened to come across Hazel. The man looked at them in surprise. "What's the occasion? Why's everybody here?"

"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be living in some secluded forest at the end of the world?" Rinrei sneered. She had a great disliking to snobbish people. It's too bad that she doesn't realize she's a snob herself.

Hazel blinked. "I moved to this city a few months ago! Clearly, no one keeps up to recent news here…"

Kougaiji frowned. "But that means Hakkai and Doku won't be able to find you in the forest. I believe they went there to search for you." (At that moment, Hakkai and Doku were still in the forest, tripping and slipping over branches and dirt, desperately finding their way out.)

"Oh my. That's sad. I hope nothing happens to them. Perhaps they'll find their way out in time." Hazel's amazing eyes shined with sympathy.

Kanzeon yawned. "Where's Gato anyways? Isn't he always with you?"

"He quit acting and went to join the police force awhile ago. I haven't gotten in touch with him since."

"What a shame. Oh well, he won't have to go to that dreary 'party'. It's nothing compared to the one I went to a few weeks ago. I stayed there until morning! There was disco dancing, music, swimming pools, and an unbelievable amount of '_sake'_!" Rinrei laughed in glee.

Homura rolled his eyes. "If you don't remember, you threw up on me later on…"

Rinrei glared at her boyfriend. "You deserved it! You were the one who made us get there late! I had to miss out on the gambling matches!"

Rasetsunyo quieted the bickering couple. "I suggest we all go back to the filming grounds together then. Come on – hop to it!" And so, Hazel climbed into the taxi cabs as well.

* * *

Far away, Gyoukumen and Gyumao finally realized that their search for Gato was all in vain. Sighing, they walked away from the military grounds. Ah yes, I must inform you that while they were there, the two were on their best behavior. After all, the military camp was the same place where that vicious youkai had resided once. Ironic, that Gato used to train there, isn't it? Or not... 

Well, so now we know that Doku, Hakkai, Gyoukumen, and Gyumao had failed on their searches. The rest of the people were successful. At least, as successful as it can get…

* * *

A few hours later, Lirin and Koumyou arrived back at the filming grounds, and were surprised to see that a certain exasperated Sanzo and grinning Kamisama were already there. They found out that Sanzo was fast-walking the entire time. Trying to get away from his crazy fan, as we all know. 

Next was Dougan and Gojyo. The kappa was still enraged over his older brother, of course. After that arrived Goku and Nataku, who were laughing as they walked in.

'_At least someone's happy…'_ Gojyo and Sanzo thought simultaneously.

Everyone was shocked to see Kanan and Yaone. Their appearance was an eyesore. Their hair was a sticking up in the strangest ways, their clothes were torn, and they both looked as if they were ready to kill someone. Each other, most likely.

Later on, the group of 10 came back from the Grande City, looking all grand indeed. The last to arrive was, of course, Gyoukumen, Gyumao, Doku, and Hakkai. They were utterly mortified to find that Gato had 'retired', and Hazel was somewhere else all along.

After much mumbling of greetings, death glares, yawns, and recovering, the director appeared at last.

"How wonderful to see all of you here today! (Everyone's eyebrows twitched) As you probably know already, today is the day for splendid reunions and having fun! Now…(the idiot gave a dramatic pause)…_may the excitement **begin**!_"

As they stood there, everyone thought once again -- _'What the **hell** is this?'_

_

* * *

_

**Sekowari: **There you go! I don't have a lot of ideas for the upcoming 'party' yet. Don't worry yourself, it'll be very boring and pointless. Give ideas if you want! R/R!


	4. The Life of Gossiping Workers

**Sekowari:** I'm starting to think that the chapters are getting more pointless and weird as I write them. Not much about the party here. Sorry if you find this utterly strange and, well, strange. R/R if you're in the mood for it.

_**Chapter 4 -- ****The Life of Gossiping Workers**_

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* * *

_**It turns out that Rinrei enjoyed the party after all, in her own way. For the millionth time that day, she glugged down the millionth bottle of sake. Homura was frantically tugging away the drinks before she could puke onto him again. That, of course, resulted in a fierce tug-o-war. It was too much for Rinrei's weakened and dizzy mind at the moment, and in the end, the war god still got his fair share of chunky blobs of you-know-what. 

Off to the side, Gojyo and Dougan took in the entire seen. The redheads admired the fact that Rinrei was such a serious drinker.

'_All the more reason to like her.'_ The two brothers thought in unison.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sanzo had shut himself up in the men's washroom, just to get away from Kamisama. Stupid really, considering the fact that the crazed man could just get in somehow. 

Kanan had reunited with her beloved Hakkai, leaving Yaone to grieve pitifully beside Doku. The adults had gotten together to chat away the time. Kougaiji was fooling around with his sister Lirin (don't take it the wrong way), simply because she wanted more meat buns from Koumyou.

The cast had handed the now unconscious Rinrei over to Dr. Nii to be taken care of. Don't worry – the real Nii can be trusted. I think. Hazel had taken this chance to engage in conversation with Homura over his coloured contacts.

"They look so real! What's your natural eye colour anyways?" Hazel was fascinated over this.

Homura sighed. "That's none of your business. The contacts are just different colours, okay? Nothing special about that." He waved his hand and walked off, leaving a confused Hazel.

"Oh well, my blue eyes are still better…"

In general, the party was a drag. The director failed to notice this.

* * *

Just to liven things up, the workers on the set had the day off as well. I must tell you that the workers were all females, obviously because they would be able to see bishies all day long, even though they have to put up with stupid directors. 

We all know that girls like gossiping, and a certain three girls were professionals in this matter. While taking a break, one of them whispered excitedly, "Ne, you know Kougaiji? I heard that he's acting brutal to the youkai lately. I've really seen it happen!"

"Why is that?"

"It's because he was dumped by his girlfriend, Kanasuya. She left him to go back to live with her younger sister."

"Hey, you know what? I heard that her little sister actually used to be Homura's ex-girlfriend!"

"Huh? I'm so confused."

"…Tch. Figures, maybe that's why he's always being nice to Rinrei, so he won't be rejected again."

"How dumb. He already is rejected! I mean, it's _so_ obvious that Rinrei has her eyes on Mr. Hot Priest Genjyo Sanzo-sama." At this, the three females grinned secretly.

"I feel so sorry for Sanzo. He's always being chased by that freak, Kamisama."

"EW! I just know he's gay!" One of the girls practically squealed out this statement. They were shocked to find that Kamisama had heard them. He walked over to the mortified three, and smiled. –shudder-

"Gay, am I? Well, that's possible, but not probable." With this, the man smirked and went off again.

"I still think he's a homo."

"Look what you did! He's coming back!" The three female workers jumped up and raced towards a cautious Sanzo, who finally willed himself to come out of hiding. He looked up, startled, when the girls grabbed his arms, but was whisked away before he could react.

* * *

Sanzo was left in peace eventually, so the girls went to hear more gossip. There was a special guest today, and it happened to be a very glamorous young lady, dressed in a cardigan and flowing skirt. Her perfect lips curled into a perfect smile when she saw the three girls staring at her. 

"Wow, you must be the special guest. Pleased to meet you!"

"Hello, my name's Shiseiko." Her voice was like a chorus of angels. Music.

The other two females, however, wasted no time and got to the point immediately. "So, onee-chan, have you heard any interesting news lately? Do you think you could tell us why Kamisama _adores_ Sanzo-sama?"

Upon hearing this, Shiseiko's eyes flashed mischievously. "Kamisama is not attracted to the same gender. He irritates Sanzo as a way of getting…revenge."

The girls' eyes widened. "Why? Why?"

"…Sanzo loves someone very dearly, and Kamisama has feelings for this special someone as well. Because the female only loves Sanzo, Kamisama torments him as a way of expressing his rage."

"So who's the lucky girl?"

"It's…Sanzo's own sister."

"I didn't know he had a sister!"

"Wait a minute, isn't that like Hakkai and Kanan's relationship in Saiyuki?"

Shiseiko laughed nervously. "Well, they got that whole idea from Sanzo, actually."

"That's wrong…"

"Just tell us the name of his sister."

For awhile, Shiseiko remained silent. Finally she stood up and said slowly, "Her name is…Shiseiko." The young lady walked away without a sound.

The workers stared at each other in disbelief. They started to splutter gibberish.

"This must be the coolest news of the century! We have to tell the rest of the cast!"

* * *

Before they could go, however, they were stopped by a nervous Dr. Nii. 

"Sorry to intrude on your conversation, ladies, but could you go to the medical room? Rinrei has thrown up all over the floor, again." Nii wiped sweat off his brow, and dashed off again.

-blink- "Great, just great. Everyone has fun, while we're stuck here sweeping junk that comes out of people's mouths." The three proceeded to mutter unintelligible language to no one in particular.

Yes, the party was fun indeed -- hours had passed, and Kanzeon was staring up at the blue sky, and yawning out of sheer boredom. Off in the distance, the beginnings of a crazy catfight could be heard.

Mmhmm, wonderful indeed…but the director, once again, failed to notice.

* * *

**Sekowari: **There you go. Very pointless, as I have said. Not many ideas for upcoming chapters. Any suggestions? Please R/R! 


	5. Food Fighters

**Sekowari: **Yay! Food fight! Thank you to Warrior Nun for suggesting the idea of revenge and food fighting. Hehe. Hope you all like this chappie. R/R!

_**Chapter 5 -- ****Food Fighters**_

**_

* * *

_**

As thanks to the director for hosting such a _wonderful _party, Kanzeon declared that she would make a huge breakfast for tomorrow morning. Everyone was fine with it, except for the fact that Kanzeon actually appreciated the party. (note: party a.k.a. waste of time)

Word spread around quickly about the morning breakfast, and pretty soon, the three gossip girls from before were rushing about, getting all excited. They had a great plan up their sleeves, as usual.

Racing towards Kanzeon and the rest of the cast, they said excitedly, "Ne Kanzeon, how about you add a little something _special_ to the breakfast plate for the director tomorrow?"

The woman blinked. The rest of the cast looked at each other nervously. They were already told of the plan.

"What ever do you mean?"

The girls cleared their throats. "Ahem. If you please, perhaps we should discuss this privately. Other people should be patient as they wait outside." Spinning Kanzeon towards a room in the corner, the three gossipers turned and winked at the cast.

Once they were inside, everyone else started whispering. "What do you think is going to happen?" Goku said…a little too loudly.

"Hn. I bet the woman's going to flip, that's what." Homura replied.

"Nah, she'll be fine. I mean, we all hate the director…right?" Rinrei blabbed, as she stared fixedly at the corner room.

Gojyo and Sanzo both coughed hoarsely as they stomped on yet another cigarette that they just finished.

Kanan clung onto Hakkai, waiting tensely, leaving Yaone to sob beside Doku, again.

Kamisama, failing to realize the situation, was still fawning over Sanzo.

Kougaiji was attempting to do two things at once – stare at the room, and drool over Yaone. Lirin, no doubt, was trying to steal more meat buns from onii-chan, or Koumyou.

Rasetsunyo was standing close to the room. She worried about the reaction of her friend.

Dr. Nii was begging Rinrei to take another pill, since she had been ill that day from too much drinking.

Nataku was annoying the hell out of Dougan, asking what a hanyou was.

Jiroushin stood beside Rasetsunyo, preparing to fan Kanzeon in case she fainted from shock.

Gyumao and Gyoukumen were having a nice chat about the weather, while Zenon and Shien stared at the two in disbelief.

Hazel was off in the washroom, looking at his wonderful blue eyes.

A few moments of silence, and a skyrocketing scream pierced the air. The cast sighed in defeat. Kanan jumped and squealed, giving Yaone a huge headache. Hazel rushed over to see, just in time.

A weak Kanzeon staggered out in an ill condition. Jiroushin fanned her, but was pushed away. The three girls came out later, wearing smug expressions on their faces.

"W-Well?" Yaone asked quietly.

"No, right?" Dougan looked up, taking a break from Nataku.

At this, the three gossipers started doubling over with laughter. "On the contrary, Kanzeon agreed! _Awesome!_" The girls slapped high-fives.

"Then what was the scream?" Kanan asked nervously, still hanging onto Hakkai.

"Oh, that was just the reaction, after realizing what she agreed to do." The girls grinned.

"Don't worry – Kanzeon was very calm when she heard the plan."

"So, we'll go ahead with the preparations then?" Homura asked, with relief, of course.

"Yeah, it's decided. We, the cast, or Kanzeon really, will go ahead, and _poison the director."_

Rinrei jumped up and down. "This is so much better than the party! Whoohooooo!"

* * *

The next morning, Kanzeon was the first one up. She was going to make the best breakfast in the world. She definitely felt guilty about poisoning the director. After swallowing nervously, she picked up the dreadful bottle that the girls had given her. It was colourless, so no one would see the poison. 

As the contents were about to spill onto the director's breakfast plate, the said person came bounding into the room.

"Kanzeon! What a wonderful surprise! Everything smells absolutely amazing! Keep up the good work – I knew you were the best out of all of 'em!"

"Thanks…you get the biggest plate…"

After he left, Kanzeon once again proceeded to pour the contents. This time, she succeeded. After seeing what she did, she hurriedly blinked back a few tears.

Out of nowhere, the entire cast raced out and applauded for her. The three gossipers smiled and said, "No need to feel bad. He deserves this treatment."

* * *

As everyone sat at the long table, they waited anxiously for the director to begin eating his breakfast. The room was eerily quiet. Finally, the man took a huge bite of the scrambled eggs. The cast was beside themselves with worry. Kanan gulped loudly. 

"…Kanzeon! This breakfast is delicious! Just makes my mouth water!" The director shoved down the entire breakfast. Kanzeon looked ready to cry again. Everyone else stiffened.

At first, nothing happened. Then, the director could feel the change in him. He stopped chewing, and sat up straight. A strange look was on his face. Beads of sweat trickled down, and he tried to swallow everything. And then…a huge vomiting sound filled the room.

The director doubled over onto the floor. Dr. Nii took this chance to quickly drag the man away.

Kanan screamed, Kanzeon burst into tears, and everyone looked at everyone else with bewildered or blank expressions.

After recovering, the gossipers said, "So, that went pretty well."

"Yeah, we shouldn't waste the rest of the food." Goku said, drooling.

"Exactly, which is why we should do…_this!_" Rinrei grabbed her plate of food, and threw it at everyone in the room. More screaming and chaos occurred. A food fight began.

"Ha! This is just like high school!" Dougan said to Gojyo, as he threw his plate at Nataku.

"Yeah! Good times, eh big bro?" Gojyo grinned, and was hit in the face by Goku's plate.

Hazel ran and took refuge in the washroom, in case anyone should ruin his beautiful eyes.

Kanan screamed again, and dodged behind Hakkai. Kanzeon stopped her whining about wasting her wonderful breakfast, and joined in the fun as well. Everyone participated, even the adults.

Yes, it was a perfect chance to get revenge. Homura hurled his plate at Kanzeon, who in turn threw her plate at him. Kanan sucked up the courage to hit a bull's eye at Yaone.

It wasn't enough. It was no surprise that they grabbed each other and started an enormous catfight. Some unlucky people were dragged in as well. More screams filled the room.

Food flew everywhere, some laughed their heads off, some got revenge, and some raced into the washroom where Hazel was hiding.

* * *

Time passed really quickly, and the food ran out. But still, the cast grabbed anything they could find, and threw it. 

In the midst of it all, the police force marched in. The vicious youkai was with them. For a moment, they stared at the raging chaos happening before them. And then, the youkai said, "**WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? MOVE YOUR BUTTS OUTTA HERE, OR I'M SENDING IN SQUADRON 'A' TO CLEAR THIS ZONE!"**

He was silenced by a box of tissue paper flying into his face. Kougaiji whooped in triumph, and all around him, people were laughing and pointing at the vicious youkai.

"Oh god, _that felt good!"_

"Awesome throw, man!"

"This is so fun!" Rinrei laughed, while gulping down her 4th bottle of beer.

The excitement was at last stopped when the police drew out their guns in exasperation. Kanan screamed…again. Everyone stared, wide-eyed, at everyone else.

Suddenly, Yaone cried, "She did it!" And pointed at Kanan.

"I did not, you _bitch_! Everyone knows you started it!"

"**Prove it!**"

"Fine! Then it was…Dougan!"

"What? How dare you!"

All at once, chaos, yelling, rage, and pointing started all over again. Utter noise filled the air. Police nodded to each other, and fired a few shots at the ceiling, silencing the cast.

"Alright, listen up! We have been notified that your director is poisoned. Any objections?"

Everyone turned suspiciously to Dr. Nii, who smiled weakly.

"It turns out that he has been sent to the hospital, due to a severe seriousness of poisoning."

The cast stared in shock. "Are you going to arrest us?" Rinrei asked nervously.

The police laughed. Everyone sighed in relief. "Nothing of the sort. We're just here to notify you. It's a good thing Dr. Nii here told us about the situation, or your director would be in real danger."

"He _won't_ die though, right?" Kanzeon blabbed anxiously.

"No, but for the time being, you will have a new director for the show."

* * *

Later that night, the females gathered together and discussed the new director. Naturally, the gossip girls had the most to say. 

"I heard from Nii that it's gonna be a female! Sugoi!"

"I can't wait!"

"I just hope she's better than the current director, who's in the hospital."

"Tch. He deserves it."

"Yeah, the new director better not be shriveled and mean." The girls had a good laugh.

* * *

The next day, everyone stood outside, waiting for the arrival of the director. 

At last, a car pulled up in the driveway. Out walked an amazingly gorgeous young woman in her mid-20s. She went to the cast, and scanned through the group.

Finally, she straightened up and gave them a gaunt, dazzlingly smile. Her shining eyes flashed in the sunshine as she said, "Good morning, cast. I will be your director for the time being. I trust we will have a good time together, it's nice to meet you all."

Gojyo quickly volunteered to show her around, and they were off.

"She's so pretty!" Breathed Lirin.

"I have a feeling we'll like her…"

"Yeah…"

The lady was beautiful, yes. But once again, the director failed to notice. He couldn't, after all.

* * *

**Sekowari: **Man, writing about the reaction for all of the people is a little bothersome. That's why I always write a few reactions only. Also, I decided not to make the police arrest the cast. I dunno, that wouldn't be very nice, now would it? New director. She'll be added as an OC. R/R! 


	6. The Hidden Pisser

A/N: Enjoy! Not very funny for this one. Oh well. R/R!

_**Chapter 6 -- ****The Hidden Pisser**_

**_

* * *

_**

Everyone was absolutely crazy with excitement about the new director. Compared to the one currently in the hospital, she was perfect! The cast practically bounced out of their beds, ready to start filming. At breakfast time, they saw her come out with a Siberian husky as beautiful as her. Its white gleaming fur shone in the morning sun.

Smiling, blinding everyone with her absolute perfection, the director sat down and said, "Good morning once again. I do believe that I haven't properly introduced myself to you all…except to Gojyo, of course." At this, she laughed quietly. Gojyo winked at her, and glared at Dougan, who had now officially started a competition with his little bro to see who would win the director over.

"As I was saying, my name is Yukare, and I'm 22 years of age right now. I grew up in Osaka, Japan, and I went to several different academies for production film directing. Hopefully, you all won't think I'm too bad at my job. That's about all. Any questions? Anyone?" Yukare looked around slowly, and found that everyone was staring goggly-eyed at her. For what reason, no one knows. As for Gojyo and Dougan, they were staring at a place a little below Yukare's face. (A/N: I had to put that in. Teehee…)

"Ah yes, meet my dog, Inuyasha (A/N: It's not the person from the actual show). He'll be around for now, I hope none of you mind."

"NAH, we're not allergic to cute doggies, are we?" Brayed Rinrei.

"Excellent! Then we'll get started on filming today!" Smiled Yukare, clapping her hands.

* * *

For the trillionth time, Yukare sighed to herself.

"CUT! (The cast sighed with her) Honestly Goku, actually hit Kougaiji if you have to! I mean, your fake attack was so poorly acted out that no one would believe it! Our audience is supposed to _buy_ this show, you know! Again!"

Yukare was starting to find that the cast wasn't very brilliant when it came to acting. Everyone just stood around and watched, and it was getting on her nerves. She could tell that she herself was getting on _their_ nerves as well, judging from the reaction whenever she 'cut' someone.

After another few tries, Yukare finally gave up on Goku and Kougaiji's fighting scene.

"Alright. Take a break, Kougaiji. Goku and Homura, get out there!"

"What? How come Kou gets a break, and I don't?" Whined Goku.

"Simply because you suck too much." Whispered Homura, smirking.

Goku glared at the god. "I'm really glad that I get to kill you in the show."

"Yes, but it would be better if I actually died in reality, no?" Grinned Homura, mockingly.

* * *

"DIE!" Goku yelled, while swinging his Nyoi-Bo at Homura. Everyone had lost track of the number of times the two had to act out this scene without doing it successfully. With high hopes, Yukare wondered if they would finally get it right. It was late evening already. Time flies when you're having fun, isn't that so?

"Heretic! I….I….I-I….Crap, I forgot….Gomen ne, everyone…" The toushin groaned in exasperation and sat down on the floor.

"You good-for-nothing twit! What are you, anyways?" Shrieked Yukare, ready to pull her hair out. Her perfection was really starting to wither away. The cast sighed again. Kanan cried.

Now, we all know that this scene was a drag as well. I suppose I shouldn't explain the rest to you, lest you drop dead in boredom or horror. The results of it were a half-dead Yukare, half-starved Goku, half-crazed Homura, and yawning cast.

"I-I think I've had enough filming today, don't you think? Dismissed…e-everyone…" With that, Yukare wobbled away.

Before she could get very far, the director was stopped by a scream from the field outside. The entire cast turned curiously to find a frantic gossip girl running towards them.

"I was just in the field, and there was a huge, horrible smell coming from it! And not just there either! It's coming from all over the filming grounds!"

Another gossip girl trotted over and smacked her friend on the back.

"Awesome isn't it? This should be on the news – 'Headlines: Mysterious odour wafting out of Saiyuki filming studios. AHAHAHA!"

The last gossip girl walked out, adjusting her glasses. "Perhaps it's just poop fertilizer…"

Being blunt as always, Rinrei slapped her hands together and said, "I bet it's Yukare-san's dog! It has to be!"

The cast raised their noses and sniffed the air. Sure enough, the air _did_ smell like dog dung, or urine.

Yukare wobbled back and spluttered, "It can't be! I trained my dog not to do that! Where's your proof?"

The others were silent. At this moment, no one could be sure. Rinrei shrugged and pointed at Homura, "It was his idea."

The said person spun on her. "What? O.O"

Yet another argument was about to erupt when the first gossip girl interrupted by saying, "Dr. Nii, can you take me to the nurse's room? I feel kind of sick."

"Oh god…not again." Dr. Nii raced around and dragged the girl away.

Since no one else could stand the horrible smell either, they all retreated to their respectful places.

* * *

A few days passed with more outrageous acting, upset actors and directors, and yet the mysterious smell lingered.

Finally, one day, Rinrei was just getting a snack from the vending machine when she spotted Yukare's dog urinating into a pot of plants.

She yelped in surprise and dashed off to tell the others.

"See? I told you so! No one ever believes me!" Rinrei exclaimed as the cast crowded around the clueless husky. Yukare shook with utter shock.

"N-No…"

"Calm down, Yukare-sama, it's not such a big deal." Said Lirin.

The female director did not answer, but walked off quietly. Everyone watched as she exited the filming grounds and went out. Just as she was about to cross a road, however, the cast cried out as they saw a fast-approaching car racing towards Yukare, who didn't seem to notice.

"Watch it, man!"

"Look out!"

"_Yukare-sama! NO!"_

At last, Yukare looked up just in time to see the car about to hit her.

'_So this is it, huh? I end up directing a hopeless cast, finding out my dog is **not** potty-trained, and now I die…I guess it's fine this way.'_

Yukare closed her eyes, presumably, for the last time. Kanan screamed and closed her eyes. Rinrei was too stunned, so Homura clamped her eyes shut. Everyone else looked away.

A deafening sound of screeching tires and a crash filled the air. And then, silence.

Slowly, hesitantly, the cast looked….to see a traumatized Yukare lying on the road. The car was dented, yet the driver was fine, helping the director up. But the most extraordinary, if not horrifying, scene was that Yukare's Siberian husky was unconscious…dead.

"H-He…saved me." Yukare's voice was barely a faint whisper. All at once, she ran up and held her dog in a warm embrace. An endless stream of tears trickled down her face. She couldn't stop crying, and no one said a thing.

Kanan and a few others were sympathetic enough to cry for her dog as well. A few females were sobbing with relief that Yukare was alright.

After what seemed like a time span of infinity, Yukare got up and smiled weakly at the cast.

"I believe we should make a grave."

* * *

Standing at the grave, Goku and Gojyo put on a cross that they made. On it was engraved the words:

"_In this mound of earth lies the Hidden Pisser._

_P.I.P"_

The cast laughed quietly at this. Yukare did, also. After saying farewell and leaving memorial gifts at the grave, the people left one by one. Rinrei stayed and practically threw herself onto Yukare.

"Yukare-san, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have made fun of your dog before! I didn't know something like this would happen! This must be really hard for you."

"…I'll be alright, Rinrei-chan. Arigatou."

Rinrei said goodbye, Homura patted Yukare's shoulder lightly, and the two walked off together.

Yukare was the only one left. It was peacefully quiet now, for she was alone. Kneeling down on the ground, Yukare put down a bouquet of flowers.

"It was fun being with you. I'll never forget all the memories, and how you were family to me. Ne, you know what? You've given me another chance at life. You'll always be…my hero."

Taking one last glance at the grave, Yukare wiped her tears, turned, and walked away.

'_People need to lift themselves above their lives, and feel the miracle of living.'_

_

* * *

_

A/N: P.I.P -- Piss in Peace. O.o Well, I got that from a book I read. Sad, in my opinion. Well, R/R!


	7. A New Arrival

**A/N: **Just to clarify things, I'm not exactly focusing this story on Saiyuki acting bloopers and whatnot. More of what the people are like behind the scenes. Okay, new person comes in. By the way, I made Sanzo very OOC in here. Well, I guess it's alright, since they're not acting for the show, right? Anyways, R/R!

**_Chapter 7 -- A New Arrival_**

**_

* * *

_**

After the horrifying incident, the entire cast started to treat Yukare much nicer, though she had pretty much gotten over it. Well, _almost._ A few weeks had passed by now, yet Yukare still went to visit the grave now and then. Goku and Gojyo were utterly dismayed that their P.I.P. sign had been blown away by a recent storm.

"It's the thought that counts, you know. Anyways, that sign was the most stupid thing on the face of this planet." Laughed Dougan, pointing at his frowning brother.

"_You're_ the most stupid thing on the planet. Keh…"

The bickering two were interrupted by Yukare announcing that her friend was to be visiting for awhile. Naturally, the cast couldn't wait for excitement. The gossip girls were already planning more trouble.

* * *

Early in the afternoon, the main wing of the acting studio was bustling with activity as the cast was getting ready for another day of acting. Just as they were about to start, Yukare came bouncing in with yet another beautiful female behind her.

"Everyone! Meet Kanasuya!" Yukare announced, swinging her arms wide dramatically.

The cast welcomed her politely. The girl had straight, long brunette hair, with a bit of curls at the bottom. Her dazzling sky-blue eyes were clearly more beautiful and perfect than even Hazel's. The man looked at her enviously.

"Konnichiwa, minna-san…" Kanasuya said shyly…or was it slyly? She invited herself into the studio and sat down in the director's seat, and took out an anime magazine. Rinrei immediately showed much interest in her.

Yukare smiled politely, choosing to forget Kanasuya's ignorance towards the rest of the cast.

Kanzeon declared that they should have a celebration for Kanasuya's arrival. Glad to have a break, the cast forgot entirely about acting.

All in all, Kanasuya was putting her saneness in jeopardy. That's right – dwelling with the Saiyuki cast, a bunch of weirdos, can do this to people.

* * *

While still absorbed by her magazine, Kanasuya noticed a certain Kamisama sitting down beside her.

"Why hello there, it's a pleasure to meet you…Kanasuya, was it? My name's Kamisama."

The said female mumbled a greeting in return and went back to reading. It wasn't that she was an obnoxious prick, it was simply because she noticed long ago that she was dealing with mental cases.

"So what do you think of the Saiyuki cast so far?" Kamisama continued, smiling. The truth was, he had been told to hit on Kanasuya, by the gossip girls, of course.

Surprisingly, he had gladly obliged. I mean, everyone could tell that the girl was an extreme bishoujo, and this was a way for Kamisama to get over Shiseiko. Who, by the way, was now getting Sanzo all to herself.

* * *

At dinnertime, Kamisama privately asked Kanasuya to go out to dinner with him. Meanwhile, the gossip girls were hiding nearby, drinking everything in.

"I was wondering, may I have the honour of taking you out to dinner tonight?" Slurred Kamisama, sounding as appealing as he could.

"Umm….I suppose that's alright." Kanasuya blushed slightly. As she headed off to get ready, she stole a glance at a suspicious moving plant, which _coincidentally_ had 3 pairs of legs sticking out of the bottom.

'_I knew I was dealing with mental cases here…'_

_

* * *

_

As the two left the studio grounds, the cast immediately gathered for dinner. The subject today was clearly about Kamisama's strange outing with Yukare's friend.

"He's totally hitting on her! I feel sorry for Kanasuya." Brayed Rinrei.

"She should be going out with me. I mean, she has _my_ eyes." Declared Hazel.

"God…you're not the only person in the world with blue eyes, stupid jerk." Rinrei shot back. She detested Hazel, all right.

While wolfing down his 3rd plate of noodles, Goku said (while spraying out food as well), "I know why! Kamisama's doing this to get over his recent break-up!"

Everyone turned to Shiseiko and Sanzo, who were flirting with each other. The gossip girls glanced at each other nervously, wondering if Goku knew about their mischief.

"You two are so gross! You _are _brother and sister, you know!" Kanan squealed. Yaone was about to stuff Kanan's girly mouth with liver and worm. Shaking with rage, the female youkai let Doku calm her down.

"So how long is Kanasuya staying?" Homura inquired. Right now, that was the only sane question anyone asked. The war god was starting to realize that he was the only normal person out of the entire cast.

"Oh, she'll probably be staying for a few weeks. She wants to learn more about acting and directing while she hangs out with you guys." Yukare stated.

At this, Kougaiji gulped down his food loudly. Everyone turned to him curiously.

"Whazza matter?" Rinrei asked.

The youkai prince did not answer, but turned a slight shade of green, and began to fidget nervously.

"Are you going to be sick?" Dr. Nii asked nervously.

"Not again…" Someone mumbled.

"I-It's just that…Kanasuya's staying for a few _weeks_?" Kougaiji managed to whisper hoarsely.

"Yup. Is there a problem?" Yukare replied.

"W-Well, you see, s-she's my….g-g-g-irlfriend." Kougaiji gulped again, and the cast gasped in pretend shock.

"EX-girlfriend! I knew she looked familiar when I saw her! Onii-chan broke up with her a few months ago. Lirin is always right!" Lirin smacked her hands together, with a triumphant look on her face.

Even the gossip girls were surprised. The people were quiet. Kougaiji looked around nervously. The dinner was finished in silence.

High tension, amusement, and fear (for Kou) was in the air. Rinrei gulped down beer, and Goku gobbled down food, to keep down their laughter. Yes, laughter. Life is a game for them, didn't you know?

* * *

Around midnight, Kamisama and Kanasuya staggered into the studio, obviously drunk. Kanasuya giggled crazily as she led the priest away, while the cast stared after them.

"Someone had a good time…" Gojyo mumbled with envy.

"I've _never_ seen her like that before!" Exclaimed Yukare.

"Could someone give me a coffee please? I'm dehydrated…Show some appreciation here!" Gyumao called out. He was ignored.

"Speaking of which, we shouldn't waste time standing here, now should we, dear Sanzo?" Shiseiko grinned and gave her lover a full French kiss, right in front of everyone. Homura turned away in disgust, while Rinrei tried to do the same to him.

"Come, I believe there's an amusement park waiting for us in the bedroom." Sanzo said, swinging an arm around Shiseiko. They walked off and slammed the door shut. The cast still stood there, waiting for the expected.

"Everyone, cover your ears…" Droned Gyoukumen.

A few moments later, a whole bunch of inappropriate sounds were coming out of the private bedroom. The cast's eyes widened in horror. But nonetheless, no one was desperate enough to cover their ears.

"Not so much of a virgin priest, is he? I knew Sanzo was a bad boy the moment I saw him." Hazel said, chuckling.

"Looks like some people are enjoying Mr. Toad's wild ride in the amusement park, ne?" Rinrei declared. As usual, Homura was mortified by this.

Off in another room, Kanasuya called out, "What's that screaming? Do you hear that, Kamisama? Oh….there's more than screaming…my, that was a loud one, no?"

Loud laughter filled the room as Kamisama said, "It's nothing. Probably just Kanan whining again."

Outside, the said person gripped Hakkai's shoulder in complaint. Sighing, the cast retreated to their respectful rooms. Of course, no one got any sleep that night. After all, amusement parks are very loud places…

* * *

A/N: There you go...inappropriate. I didn't put things in detail. First, I don't know how to write those scenes. And second, I'm not focusing on those things. Okay, there's romance, sort of, but not too much of those... Well, I put that in for this chappie, just to express Sanzo's true colours. Hehe R/R!


	8. I'm In Charge

A/N: First off, I sort of made up the Kamisama acting scene. Couldn't really remember what happened. Also, I know Starbucks doesn't exist in Tougenkyou, but hey, Saiyuki _is_ extreme, no? Well, please just R/R! My fanfic is getting less and less responses.

**_Chapter 8 -- I'm In Charge_**

**_

* * *

_**

Seating themselves down at the breakfast table, the cast warily inspected the four wild people from yesterday night. Kamisama and Kanasuya were especially groggy, after chugging down more than enough booze last night. A certain priest looked quite tired, but he hid it quite well. His girlfriend, on the other hand, had already flopped onto the table and begun dozing again.

Rinrei leaned forward and asked with excitement. "So, how did last night go at the amusement park?" Everyone else suppressed a grin. Goku and Gojyo snorted into their food.

Sanzo showed no signs of embarrassment, or any expressions at all, actually.

"As good as it can get. I _am_ a Sanzo priest, as you fail to realize."

"Yes, you're capable of doing wonders, I'm sure." Kanzeon waved her fork in the air, and then proceeded to stab viciously at her scrambled eggs. The gossip girls tittered. Sanzo shrugged.

"This is absolutely not something to talk about in the morning! Tsk…people these days…" Gyoukumen scolded the cast.

"Come on, Gyoukumen-sama! This is interesting! I mean, Sanzo's love life…come on!"

"Absolutely not! Children shouldn't be involved in these things! No, Lirin! You should be out chasing butterflies, and hopping scotch!"

Homura chuckled to himself. So did everybody else, supposedly.

* * *

After the subject was dismissed, breakfast continued pleasantly with quiet chatter. Yukare interrupted the others by announcing that she was going to visit the original director for the day. Complaints filled the air.

"You can't go into that hospital! You'll never return to us!" Hissed Rinrei.

Going completely off-topic, Goku asked, "Is it true with the saying, where people go – 'Come to the dark side…we have cookies'…Or something like that."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Gojyo was amused by Goku's stupidity.

"I was just wondering if the hospital could give Yukare some food. Then she can give some to us." Goku practically drooled at the thought of pastries and _dough._

"Ahem…well, what will we do while you're gone?" Kanan inquired.

"Make-out sessions!" Giggled Shiseiko.

Yukare was shocked slightly at Shiseiko's outburst. "Um…I suppose Kanasuya could supervise for me."

The said person stared. "What? I can't do that! I've never had training on how to supervise freaks!"

Protests erupted from all members of the cast.

Before arguments could break out, Yukare said, "I'm leaving it up to you Kanasuya, good luck! Ah yes, may the force be with you." Yukare quickly dashed out of the filming grounds.

Kanasuya threw a breakfast plate at her friend. "What force, huh? Get back here, coward!"

Goku called out, "Don't forget to bring cookies back!" The saru was awarded with a smack from Gojyo.

Sighing in defeat, Kanasuya turned to the cast and said, "Well, don't waste time standing around. We should get some filming done."

* * *

_(Palace of Kamisama, Saiyuki Reload Ending)_

"So life's a game for you, huh?" Sanzo said monotonously, glaring slightly at Kamisama.

"Well it's not a game for us, and we're gonna pull through this." Goku struggled to stand. He then started to rush towards Kamisama, preparing to attack.

The man staggered back. "G-Get back!"

More running, and then… "What the hell?" Goku slowed to a halt.

The Sanzo-ikkou stared incredulously at Kamisama, who was frantically swatting at his own hand.

"What are you doing?" Kanasuya cried out.

"Yeah man, I was getting all worked up over the running."

Kamisama ignored them, and continued to swat at himself. "Ack! There's a bee on me! Get it off!"

The cast was silent. A breeze went by.

Sanzo growled, and that wasn't acting. "God forbid, if we have to film this scene again because of some friggin bee, I'll shoot the daylights out of you."

Kamisama gulped. "Yessir…I mean, ma'am." The guy cracked at his own joke. A bullet flew by.

* * *

_(Random argument scene between the Sanzo-ikkou)_

"The fuck man! We couldn't get any sleep last night, all because of that excessive screaming from your prostitute." Sanzo yelled at Gojyo, grabbing his gun as well.

"Friggin asshole…you got a problem with the way I live my life? Then bring it!"

"You wanna try me, kappa?" Sanzo aimed his gun at Gojyo.

Hakkai and Goku tried to calm the two. Gojyo didn't listen however. He raced towards Sanzo, and gave him a full blow straight in the head.

The priest doubled over on the ground, gasping in pain.

* * *

"Cut! Gojyo, don't you think that punch was a bit…over?" Kanasuya glared at the redhead. Sanzo _is_ our main star, you know."

"Gomen…I didn't mean it."

Cameras were shifted away as the cast shuffled in to peer curiously at Sanzo. Shiseiko raced over and held the priest in her arms.

Closer inspection showed that Sanzo had a minor wound in the head. Nevertheless, Dr. Nii was ushered in.

"Okay, from now on, everyone throws fake punches. Speaking of which, Gojyo, you weren't _supposed_ to actually hit Sanzo!"

"I know! I said I was sorry!"

"Poor Sanzo…how many times has he been hit already?" Hakkai mumbled.

Due to more accidents and less acting, the cast took a rest for the day. Pretty soon, dinner was fast approaching.

* * *

"I've gotta warn you guys – I'm no pro in cooking." Kanasuya stared dumbly at the kitchen.

Hakkai and Gyoukumen offered to help.

Everything went fine, except near the end, where Kanasuya wasn't paying attention to her frying pan. The results were a close-to-burning kitchen, frantic cast, and very burnt bacon. (And yes, bacon can be used for more than one occasion.)

Dinner was delicious, aside from what Kanasuya cooked, of course. She wasn't the least bit humiliated. Everyone simply passed their burnt bacon to Goku, who gobbled it all down without a second thought.

Later in the evening, Yukare arrived back. Everyone mumbled their greetings.

"Didya bring back cookies?" Goku asked excitedly.

"Yes, I did!" Yukare produced a huge bag of delicious, sweet pastries. "I actually got these from the new Starbucks opened near here."

"Starbucks is awesome. They have coffee…" Gyumao rattled off dreamily.

"We'll save these for dessert. Did you know that Kanasuya cooked dinner tonight? Well, part of it." Said Rinrei.

Yukare panicked slightly. "You let her cook? Kanasuya is very dangerous in the kitchen!"

"Remember the time I almost cut your finger with a knife?" Grinned Kanasuya.

"That is not a laughing matter…"

"Everything worked out fine though, Yukare-san! Cast alive, studio not on fire, food in stomach." Lirin laughed hysterically.

"That's good. I hope no accidents happened while I was gone."

"Nothing at all. No worries." The cast turned first to Kamisama, who had a bee sting on his hand; and to Sanzo, who blinked back at them. Everyone exchanged knowing glances at each other.

"Nothing at all…"

* * *

A/N: Swearing in this chappie O.O I hope you guys aren't bothered by that. Anyhow, R/R...PLEASE!


	9. Bouzu's Birthday Preparations

A/N: Hiiiii! Sorry for the long delay! I'm on vacation! Well I was reading all the reviews you guys gave me, and it put me in the mood for more writing! The reviews made me so happy...you guys are the best! So anyways, keep reviewing! I wasn't sure what to put in this chapter, so I decided to add in Sanzo's b-day. Hehe...this fanfic really just contains random happenings, actually. But please R/R!

_**Chapter 9 -- Bouzu's Birthday Preparations**_

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It was another morning for the Saiyuki cast. And a cloudy one, at that.

Apparently, the cast soon realized that the weather matched the temper of a certain priest. Needless to say, the Gossip Girls were already at work on this.

After much discussing, scheming, and excessive borrowing of Nii's laptops, the three at last came up with the solution that it was a certain priest's birthday. _Sanzo._

The man had decided to sleep in that day, but that didn't stop the cast. A surprise party was already at work.

"Oooooohh, I just love parties!" Gushed Gyoukumen, beaming happily.

Rinrei lazily swung herself off a chair. "Shouldn't that be _my_ line?"

Homura, along with Gojyo, were thinking up ways to get revenge on the priest. As follows...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ne, maybe we should take away his cigs or something." The redhead grinned, picturing Sanzo having a fit over his smokes.

Homura shook his head. "Baka. Take away his gun...and fan."

"I know! Take his girl, Shiseiko, and then kidnap the bouzu!"

The toushin frowned. "You do it then. I already have Rinrei to take care of. And who would want to kidnap _him?_ God forbid...you have crappy ideas."

"What? Do _you_ have a brilliant scheme? You're a god, after all. I'm sure you're capable of doing _wonders."_

Homura merely shrugged, acting as if he had nothing to do with the whole thing.

Go Dougan happened to pass by, glancing at the two. "Hey little bro, don't get beaten up _too_ badly alright? You're a huge embarrassment to our family."

The man skittered away hurriedly before his younger sibling could get at him.

Turning back to Homura, Gojyo found the toushin trying very hard not to snigger.

Before the kappa could lapse into an argument with him, however, they noticed a very delighted Kamisama bouncing over to them.

"Isn't this great! It's Sanzo-chan's b-day! Are you two planning something cool? Can I join too?"

Homura and Gojyo looked silently at the person standing before them. Clearing his throat, the redhead said, "Yeah, it's great. Unfortunately, I can't share your absolute...enthusiasm." -coughcough-

Kamisama blinked back at them, then broke into a grin. The toushin was just about to declare him as a complete lunatic, until a thought dawned on him. Kamisama...and Sanzo...

He shot a look at Gojyo, who was already smirking.

Rinrei, however, took the chance to interrupt them.

"Homura! What are you doing, hanging out with these people? Come on, I wanna go have fun with the others!"

The goddess latched herself onto Homura and attempted to drag him away.

Gojyo stared after the helpless god. How amusing. This would be perfect for blackmail.

"Hey Homura, I'll deal with Kamisama. You go and...attend to your girl."

The toushin nodded meekly as Rinrei broke into a conversation about all the booze they would have at the party.

'_And the puke, too.'_ The god thought warily, clutching his stomach as a wave of worry washed over him.

After the couple left, Gojyo once again turned his attention to Kamisama. The man was completely unaware of the situation. Ah, yes. The makings of a beautiful plan were about to begin...

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In the meantime, the rest of the cast was scheming as well. Kanzeon and Rasetsunyo had decided to give Sanzo's hair a makeover. They would have to use force, of course.

Hazel was blathering on about how he would give Sanzo blue contact lenses for the day.

"So he can share in the beauty of blue." He stated dramatically.

Doku rolled his eyes, and Gyumao choked on his precious Starbucks Mocha.

Dr Nii was mumbling nonsense to his bunny. He later on turned to the two people sitting on the sofas next to him, asking them if they owned any pet rabbits.

Nataku pretended not to hear, while Goku chose to blast his iPod up to full volume.

Outside in the open field privately used for the studio, Hakkai and Kanan were considering getting something appreciative and nice for Sanzo. Upon spotting Yaone, the kind healer had insisted that she join them.

Kanan begrudgingly agreed. Stealing a glare to her rival, she then turned to Hakkai and smiled sweetly, leaving poor Yaone to follow in their shadows.

On top of a tree, Kougaiji had planted himself conveniently just so he could spy on his secret love, Yaone. He didn't care much about the priest's birthday. Of course he would leave the planning and work for other people to do.

He was slightly upset to find that Lirin had disrupted him.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was just a bit too sharp, but his sister didn't seem to notice.

Lirin sighed. "Why don't you just tell Yaone nee-san how you feel about her? It's pretty obvious, you know."

The youkai prince was quite taken aback. Since when did Lirin get so interested in these things? Sure she had her period already and whatnot, but romancing was left for the older teenagers.

Turning back to look at Yaone, he muttered, "She already loves Hakkai..."

"But come on, Kougaiji onii-chan! It's just a silly crush! You're better, and you know it! Yaone nee-san just hasn't given you a chance yet! I mean, the two of you are perfect compared to people like Homura-sama and Rinrei!"

Kougaiji paused to think this over. Yes, that made sense. Homura and Rinrei _were_ a horrible pairing, after all. He still couldn't understand why the toushin would be willing to be with Rinrei. Sure, she was all pleasant on the show. But really, who would have thought that she would turn out to be a _boozer?_

Maybe there was a chance with Yaone after all...

"Onii-chan..."

"Nani?"

"Ano...can I have a meatbun?"

Kougaiji growled. "_No._ I'm busy."

The prince then proceeded to bop his sister. Apparently he hit her too hard, causing Lirin to trip out of the tree.

Kougaiji peered down to find that she was fine. Satisfied, he turned back to his spying.

Lirin got up slowly and ran over the things that she could do for revenge.

"Kechiiii..."

Rubbing her head, she stalked off to find Koumyou for her desired snack.

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Shiseiko lay sprawled out on her chair. This was a day for relaxing. Sanzo's birthday was tomorrow, after all. She already knew what she would get for him. A nice make-out session would do nicely.

Honestly, what was wrong with loving your own brother? Nothing, of course. It just shows how close you can get to family. And another thing was that she and Sanzo were _twins. _A perfect match.

Anyways, the majority of Saiyuki fans didn't seem to have a problem with this...right? Hakkai and Kanan had merely acted it out. Though it was nothing close to the real thing. Why was Sanzo always portrayed as the evil priest who didn't give a rat's tail about females?

Shaking her head, Shiseiko invited herself into Kanasuya and Yukare's conversation. Apparently, Kanasuya was saying that she completely regretted going to dinner with Kamisama that one time.

"I mean, is he gay or not? One second, he wants a piggyback ride from Sanzo. The next second, he invites me to dinner! I even spent the night with him!"

Shiseiko _did_ find Kamisama's obsession rather grotesque. She knew he was doing it on purpose, of course. Was he still mad because she rejected him before? How childish.

Though Shiseiko was really starting to wonder if he was gay after all. The things he tried to do to Sanzo were a little frightening. Nevertheless, Shiseiko was fine with this. She loved seeing Sanzo getting all panicky from time to time. It was so fascinatingly hilarious.

Back to the conversation...

"Well, you can't know for certain if he bats for the other side, know what I mean? Just don't get serious with him."

Kanasuya laughed at this. "Hell, as if I'll ever get a chance! He's attached to Sanzo 24 hours a day, am I right Shiseiko?" The two females turned to said person.

"Umm...Yes, I suppose so."

"Don't you take it as a big deal? I mean, Sanzo _is_ your boyfriend."

"Well, it's not a big deal. Sanzo can take care of himself. And if Kamisama did anything stupid, I would bash him, no doubt." Shiseiko grinned at her own joke.

"Obviously! Anyone would do that! Girl Power!" Yukare laughed. She was overly bubbly today. There was no acting, much to her relief. Everyone was busy with the party.

"I still think he's gay."

"Ne, how about we team up on Kamisama and punish him?" Kanasuya glittered with mischief.

"Are you sure? I heard Gojyo and Homura were planning something, and it's got something to do with him."

"Sugoi! What is it?"

"The gossip girls are saying that they're making Kamisama flirt with Sanzo tomorrow!"

"Oh my...this I've got to see..."

"……"

"Yup. Poor Sanzo..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Somewhere else...)

"You aren't joking, are you Homura?" Zenon couldn't believe his ears. Flirting? Sometimes his friend could come up with the strangest things...

"Of course I'm not joking, baka."

"No wonder Kamisama looked really happy just now." Shien muttered.

Zenon was still ogling at Homura.

"Nani? Don't look at me like that. Do I have flowers on my face?"

"...Does Rinrei know?"

"Obviously. She forced me to tell her. Now the whole cast will know..."

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Indeed, the cast did know. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare as Kamisama pranced around the studio merrily, singing to himself.

Goku smiled smugly as his iPod boomed out music, drowning out Kamisama's voice.

"I can't hear you...I can't hear youuuu..."

Just then, Rinrei crashed in, pulling a struggling Homura behind her.

"Everybody, shut up! Our birthday boy's about to wake up!"

Kamisama stopped his singing and squealed like a girl. _"SANZO-CHAN!"_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_A/N: _There you are! I love making Kamisama so gay-ish. Any suggestions on the activities for Sanzo's b-day? I really have no idea right now. O.O R/R!


	10. Bouzu's Birthday Preparations 2

A/N: Minna-san, gomen ne for the looong wait! I'm also really sorry for not putting the party in this chapter. I made another one for the preparations. It doesn't seem that funny to me, but try to enjoy it anyways. Ahehehe...Well, R/R! I'll try to put the party for next time okay? -smile-

**_Chapter 10 -- Bouzu's Birthday Preparations 2_**

**_

* * *

_**

Everyone waited tensely as the priest came walking groggily out of his room and towards the cast. Nobody moved at all, holding their breath. Sanzo glanced in an uninterested fashion at everyone, then proceeded to walk away for his morning coffee.

Unfortunately, the silence was broken as Kamisama suddenly blurted out a question.

"Ne, Sanzo-chan, is it really your birthday today?"

Everyone's eyes went wide as they either gasped or glared disapprovingly at Kamisama. They then turned their head to watch Sanzo's reaction.

The priest paused in his wake, ever so slightly, but continued to walk away. A few noted that his hands were clenched together tightly at Kamisama's remark. Some others noted that a certain vein was throbbing. As for the rest, they were mortally thankful that Sanzo didn't have his gun in his possession at the moment.

Once he was out of sight, everybody let out a breath….naturally. Gojyo immediately went over to Kamisama and smacked him hard on the head.

"Baka! What the hell were you doing?"

The man shrugged. "I was just asking. You didn't have to hit me like that."

Off to the side, Rinrei rolled her eyes. "Pathetic. Kamisama's so insanely stupid, wouldn't you say, Homura?" She nudged the god beside her, who was still nursing his arm after being dragged so viciously by his girlfriend.

He stopped for a moment to contemplate this, but decided not to answer.

Shiseiko approached the cast, along with Yukare and Kanasuya.

"Listen up everyone. The other two girls and I have come up with a series of things we can do at the party. As for the rest of you, you can continue with your own preparations. Yukare has given permission for you to leave the studio for needed supplies. All good?"

Mumbles came from everyone as they agreed to the schedule for now.

Goku turned off his iPod and stood up. "What sort of things will we be doing?"

"The usual things you have at a party…with a few different perks, of course." Shiseiko smiled devilishly, leaving the cast even more confused than ever.

* * *

Kanzeon and Rasetsunyo were comparing their purchases for the millionth time after visiting the local hair salon.

"I say we dye his hair!"

"Why don't we just give it a trimming?"

"It's his b-day you know. I wanna get revenge for all the things he's done to me."

"Honestly Kanzeon…..why don't we just style it? Make it look better?"

"…..Fine with me. But make sure he turns out to look gay. A bonus for Kamisama's eye candy show tonight….-wink-."

"Yare yare……"

"Rasetsunyo, don't copy Hakkai. It's lame."

"………"

The two females shook hands on the matter and happily flounced back to the filming studio.

* * *

Across the street from the salon, Hazel was staring, fascinated by all the coloured contacts on display in the eye care center. Licking his lips, he pasted his hands and face onto the display cases, one by one. He had never known there could be so many different shades of blue…._ever! _As follows:

"_Sugooiiii!"_

At first, he had insisted that Homura come along with him, so they could discuss the contacts together. Rinrei, of course, had to butt in and drag her boyfriend away before either of the males could react.

Sighing as he remembered the crude memory, Hazel called over a salesclerk. One who conveniently went by the name of 'Mr. Eyestein'.

"Ano, I would like to purchase this pair of eye contacts please." Hazel pointed to two aqua blue contacts lenses.

The salesperson glanced suspiciously at him.

"You can buy it….if you happen to have $600 bucks with you." Mr. Eyestein sent a sideways sneer towards Hazel, who caught on immediately.

Hazel shrugged haughtily, rearranging his hat. "It's for a friend. I'm running a tight schedule. Do hurry up. Please and thank you. And yesI _can _afford these things." He then expertly whipped out Sanzo's Sanbutsushin credit (debit?) card and waved it around triumphantly, causing nearby customers to stare, and the salesclerk to cough rudely.

And please don't ask me how Hazel managed to stash away Sanzo's card.

Mr. Eyestein grumbled to himself and went to get the contacts.

"People these days….."

* * *

"_EVERYBODY PLEASE GATHER HERE! HURRY, HURRY!"_

Kanan and Hakkai were currently much occupied with a huge Saiyuki cast round-up. They finally decided to take a picture of the entire cast and present it to Sanzo as a birthday keepsake…or as Rinrei called it – 'an ooglay disgrace to the whole population'.

Dashing around madly, Kanan and Hakkai soon found out that it wasn't working. Everyone was either looking at them curiously, or ignoring them altogether.

"Hustle hustle!"

"If you haven't noticed…Sanzo won't be in here." Rinrei frowned as she linked arms with Homura, observing a frantic Kanan and Hakkai.

"Who cares if Sanzo isn't here? It's just a simple photo. Don't take it as a big deal." Homura replied.

"…..Don't tell me what to do please." Rinrei pouted obnoxiously and pinched the toushin's arm, causing him to flinch in pain.

"OWWwww!" Homura jumped away to nurse his arm once again, all the while muttering sympathetic words to himself.

Seated on a plushy couch, Yaone bluntly refused to participate in anything that had to do with Kanan.

"Ano, Yaone-san, this is an important gift for Sanzo. Please come and be part of it." Hakkai sweat dropped and gently attempted to pry the female youkai up.

"Ie. I'm not moving my butt an inch off this couch. Hmph."

Kanan happened to stop by. "Stuck up…psh. Hakkai dearest, just leave her. But on second thought….I'll get her moving. Hakkai honey, you can go on and tell the others."

The healer obligingly agreed and shuffled away. Kanan turned her attention back to Yaone.

"Well…..?" The female smirked down at the youkai.

"Make meh, biotch." Yaone spat right back at her.

"Don't try me, got it? I'm better and more beautiful than you. Come off it, everyone can tell that Hakkai likes me sooo much." Kanan tossed back her hair and smiled devilishly, taunting Yaone.

"Well if being your boyfriend is all that Hakkai can do, then that's not his gift, it's his curse. And I can't bring myself to believe that a man such as him would find pleasure in people who are _bitchy."_

The two females growled at each other. Yaone was sitting at the edge of her seat, claws extended. Kanan had fixed her hair up into a ponytail, ready to pounce.

At last, the two each gave a battle cry, and leaped towards each other, tossing and pounding on the sofa.

Goku and Nataku raced over to watch the excitement; Hakkai cried out in alarm; Kanzeon, who had just arrived back, grabbed Rasetsunyo closer; Kamisama continued to dance around; Doku stalked over as Lirin stuffed her mouth with meatbuns; Nii clutched his bunny to his heart for fear of losing it in the battle before him; Koumyou chuckled; Jiroushin sighed; Gyumao cheered loudly, also accidentally spraying coffee everywhere; Gyoukumen looked as frightened as Nii; Dougan was thankful no one was around to mess up HIS hair; Zenon and Shien, who were seated far away, didn't even realize what was going on; Rinrei threatened to throw Homura into the fight if he didn't stop acting like a baby.

Hazel, who had just entered the studio, paused and quickly said a prayer before rushing off. And, being the racist that he was, secretly wished that Kanan, the human, would prevail.

Kougaiji, hiding behind a bush, mentally slapped himself for not rushing over to aid Yaone in her quest to destroy the Evil Hakkai Lovers.

"I'm such an _idiot!"_

Lirin laughed and pointed Kougaiji out to Doku.

"See? Onii-chan likes Yaone-san! That's so funny! And he's so bad at hiding! His butt is sticking in the air! Who wouldn't see _THAT?_"

"Uh huh. Pay attention to the catfight. Now look here. This is the good part." Doku steered Lirin away into the crowd of cast onlookers.

* * *

After the show was over, everyone scattered once again, leaving behind two exhausted females and an utterly shredded sofa…with ripped cushions and feathers flying everywhere.

Off at the lounge, Gyumao was sipping a Starbucks latte, with Doku beside him, and Dr. Nii sitting across from him. Hazel was showing them the blue contacts. Gyoukumen had also come to join in.

"I'm tellin' you – this latte is _heaven_. Thank God Yukare installed a coffee machine at the studio. She's my hero…" Gyumao smiled dreamily to himself.

"But just look at the contacts! Aren't they _fab?_ Sanzo will sooo love them!" Hazel gushed.

Doku suppressed a yawn, not caring to hide his disinterest.

Dr. Nii waved his bunny at Hazel. In a gay falsetto voice, he said, "Hazel-sama, you talk like a girl!"

"Nii, why do you make sound effects for that bunny of yours? I don't like it when people squeal." Gyoukumen pointed it.

"I don't _squeal!_ Who does _that?"_ The scientist looked totally aghast, as if it was the most outrageous thing ever.

Hazel chose to ignore him, Doku snorted, and Gyumao spat out his latte in a great burst of laughter, soaking Nii's bunny with brown stains.

"**_MY BUNNY! YOU KILLED HIM!"_**

After Gyumao regained his composure, he swatted his hand between short fits of giggles, dismissing the matter.

"You should be thankful your bunny has latte coating its fur. It now smells good, and I always thought brown bunnies were cuter. Your doll needed a wash anyways."

Dr. Nii looked absolutely distressed. He turned the bunny towards himself and peered at it.

"Oh no, this just won't do, my little fwend. Don't worry – Daddy will get you all fixed up."

Doku turned to Gyumao and raised his eyebrows. The man shrugged his shoulders and grinned back. Gyoukumen turned away to gaze intensely at a painting on the wall.

Seeing as he was being neglected, Hazel huffed and went to seek attention elsewhere.

"Stupid Nii and his rabbit. Destroying my popularity…mehmehmehmeh…."

* * *

Outside, Gojyo had managed to pull Homura away from Rinrei's grasp.

"What do you want with me? And how's it going with Kamisama?"

"Kamisama's fine. Just _look_ at him. I'm phoning some people for delivery service."

"Delivery service?"

"A cake, piñata, and drinks."

"Why do you need people to send those here? We can get them ourselves."

At this, Gojyo turned to the toushin and smirked devilishly.

"That, my friend, is where you're wrong. You see, when Shiseiko said the party would have different perks, she meant it."

"…….Huh?" Homura blinked.

"Focus, man! Come here, let me tell you about it. Hehehehe…."

* * *

Back inside, Kanan and Hakkai had at last gathered everyone together for the picture. Well hey, miracles do happen.

"Why am I at the back? How am I supposed to show my beauty? Stop acting like you can't hear me! Why are you ignoring me? Answer me! Homura, help!" Rinrei was practically throttling her boyfriend in a mad frenzy.

The goddess wasn't the only one complaining about the photo arrangements. Almost everyone else was bickering with each other…aside from Kamisama of course, who was currently being forced to stand still without springing into a full waltz.

"And it's not a waltz, gentlemen. It's called a 'Cha-Cha'."

* * *

_(A long wait later…)_

'_Click click click!"_

The picture was at last done. If only you readers could have seen it. A true birthday present indeed.

Kanzeon was striking a pose; Goku and Nataku were waving their arms; Gojyo was smoking; Hakkai and Kanan were smiling as wide as they could; Homura was showing off his trademark smirk as Rinrei was fingering the camera; Kamisama was grinning madly with his two hands up in peace signs, and a cardboard box on his head saying 'I L U Sanzo-Chan'; Kougaiji was yelling because Kamisama's box had blocked him off; Yaone was giving a glare at Kanan; Doku was checking out Kougaiji (You guys should have realized by now that he's gay, right?); Lirin couldn't smile, due to having a meatbun in her mouth; Nii had propped his bunny on his shoulder; Gyumao had spilled his coffee once again; Hazel was cursing, now that his blue cloak was cappuccino-stained; and Go Dougan had bumped into Zenon, who bumped into Shien, who bumped into Yukare, who bumped into Kanasuya, who bumped into Shiseiko, causing the unfortunate girl to fall flat onto the ground.

Ohh my…Sanzo was going to have a fit over this.

As for the rest of the people including Rasetsunyo, Koumyou, Jiroushin, and Gyoukumen…well let's just say they blinked at the wrong time.

* * *

_(Awhile later…)_

"Hey guys! The delivery's here!" Gojyo was racing around gathering everyone to the entrance.

After much work, the cast wheeled in a gi-normous birthday cake. Yukare, Shiseiko, and Kanasuya exchanged knowing glances.

"Sugoii….it's even taller than Gojyo-san!" Lirin gawked.

"What's _in _there?" Kougaiji furrowed his eyebrows and tried to make sense of it.

"WHHHAAAA! It's mine! ALL MINE!" Goku screeched and prepared to dive into the cake. He was getting as hyper as Kamisama.

"Ack! A monstrosity! I bet you ordered this irony from youkai, didn't you?" Hazel pointed accusingly at Gojyo.

The cast all looked upwards with their mouths hanging wide open…aside from Lirin, who also had some drool coming out.

"_Oishiiiiii…"_

Meanwhile, Nataku had dragged a few other people to the piñata.

"Kukuku….I bet it's got loads of candy in there. And _junk food…_I mean, I never got this when we were filming Gaiden. Who's ever heard of a Heaven that doesn't have candy?"

Near the door were boxes and boxes piled on top of each other. Rinrei pulled one out curiously and her eyes bugged……_literally._

"ASAHI BEER! AND…..BUDWEISER! AND….AND……WHHHEEEEE!"

Making sure no one was looking, she gathered a whole armful and tried to stash them away without being noticed. Rinrei only went a few steps before crashing into Homura.

"Oi! What are you doing with that?"

"I'm gonna drink it of course! And if you're really good today, I'll share some with you. Hehehe…"

"…….I'm going to tell on you if you don't put those back."

"What are you, a _kid_? Anyways, it'll be great once the party turns into a puke fest!"

Homura sighed in defeat.

'_Oh gawd…'

* * *

_

"Okay, now everyone needs to start decorating. Got it?"

"I call first dibs on graffiti!"

"_BALLOONS!_"

"Wrapping paper!"

"FOOD!"

"Presents!"

"I want the cake!"

"Candy!"

"BEEERR!"

"**I NEED THE DUCT TAPE! I GET PERMISSION FOR TONIGHT!"** Kamisama screamed out as loud as he could.

And next door, Sanzo the birthday boy looked out the window and pretended he didn't hear a thing….

* * *

A/N: There it is! I tried to break up the longer paragraphs, but decided against it. Hope you liked the cast's reactions! R/R!


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